WHOOSH… PPPFFFFF!! So much noise it was deafening, and so much light rushing through the sliver of a window that it was blinding. My heart starts pumping faster, its racing now. I want to move but it feels as if my body was commanded to stay in place, pressured down by an invisible hand. My eyes are wide open, but I want to close them and run away. But to where! Its cramped, and I can barely move around the mess of wires and equipment around me.
Ohhh I’m afraid! I’m so so afraid. Its as if a blanket of fear and darkness suddenly envelops you, and no matter what you do your heart and senses have already embraced its warmth. But I’m most afraid because I don’t know. I don’t know where I am, I don’t where I’m going, I don’t know what’s going to happen, and worst yet there’s not a thing I can do about it but to let it happen.
The rattling, and the anxiety inducing shaking subsides. Ohhh and what a monster of a thing to replace all the scary noise. Now it’s silent, its completely and utterly silent. Now I see how much I took for granted my little home, the sound of wind, the birds, the cars, of people, and of his voice, especially his voice. The only thing I could hear now is the loud thump of my scared heart, my faltering breath, and the agonizing high pitched ding that rang every couple seconds.
Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep…
It was a countdown of sorts, I’m sure of it. It was torture! It was agony to know that this was the only sound left for me. The grim reaper himself was counting down the very seconds left of my life. Then I thought something funny. Death, what a guy, what a chap, that he would give me such personal treatment! But I bet he does so with everyone. He’s made friends with everybody and everything, every dog, cow, human, cat, and mouse. What a likable fellow Death is!
At this moment I looked out from the only looking glass I had of the outside world, that sliver of a window that I mentioned before. It wasn’t bright anymore so it was clear outside, but what I saw was no world that I ever knew.
Three beautiful spheres were in my view,
And every single one of a different kind of hue.
Oh, the first was the strongest of them all,
So bright, yellow, proud and with the gall
To steal and command the attention of my eyes.
But its brother blue, was so instinctually familiar.
It felt so close and oh so dear.
It was pulling at my heartstrings and making song,
That it was clear,
My very dear home was there indeed.
And the runt of litter was there too.
A little gray, but well to do.
Not so bright as its eldest brother,
But bigger it was,
and dearer it was to brother blue.
These three brothers danced round and round,
Each holding each, in a tight embrace,
This it seemed the case.
They were inseparable these three,
Until the end of time.
That big blue giant! My memories of home consumed me and my situation. But alerted I realized the heat building up in my little coffin. It was warm, then warmer, and now hot. I missed water right now, ahh I wanted just a sip, just a taste, enough to wet my tongue. How grateful for everything I would be then, if they would have only left some water. I knew with despondency that in short time it would be my last. Now what comfort was there but in the past? I remembered the good beautiful times and the memories I had. Then I thought of him and only him.
I remember the steak and little potatoes that he cooked for me! He only did this once, but it was my very favorite. One time he took me to his home. He let me go outside and I would play and jump in the snow. He always kept watch over me. Then all of a sudden he would surprise me and give chase. I’d run and run, I was so alive and it was so fun. I loved him. Sometimes I would let him catch me on purpose so he wouldn’t feel bad that he couldn’t run as fast as I.
Then all the memories of the bad things I’d done rushed over me. I was mad and angry once and attacked him in a fit of passion, it was nothing serious. I hope he realized that it was just in the moment, I didn’t really mean it. Another time my tummy hurt so much and I threw up on the floor, I couldn’t hold it in, they had given me strange food. He saw me, and I lowered my eyes, I was sorry, I really was. I think that’s why I’m here.
I start to wonder why they left the window closed, back home he took me in his car and he drove with the windows open. I’d stick my head out and WHOOSH, the rush of the wind would land on my face…
Its hotter now. The very air is boiling and its hard to breathe… Before I got in this car he said “You’re going to heaven now Laika, don’t worry, I’ll join you very soon” I want to warn him somehow, because heaven isn’t fun, I don’t want him to go here.
The only thing I want now is him. Just to hear his voice one last time. “Laika! Come here you mutt!” he would yell. Ohh, I would run over so fast and lay in his lap, he’d stroke my head and scratch behind my ears and tell me “good boy”. I wonder what I did wrong, because thats why I’m here.
I wish he would tell me “good boy” one last time.
My eyes close shut, I’m tired…
Dedicated to Little Laika the Space Dog, and little Bambuya.